I started to complain about people's attitude. I’m afraid I will lose my temper, one day. I tried very hard to be very patient these days, and I did. In fact, I was impatient inside me. I just can’t control but could still have my happy smiling face though. It is a fake. I’m indeed a faker, at all times. No one notice. Lol.
People said I tend to talk defiantly nowadays. I didn’t realize that, and even though it was true, I just cannot control myself. Words just burst out of my mouth.
Again, i am in depression. I’m hoping to get out of this stupid gloominess soon! It keeps me feeling uneasy. Take a BREAK will be a perfect resolution. But I cannot do so. So, let's forget it.
JIA YOU
I went for my university friends gathering last night at Brewerkz @ Riverside Point. From 8 persons it reduced to half of it. It was a nice one still. But I talked much lesser this time. I was not as happy as I thought. It might be because one of them includes the Auditor. Umm.. I should not have joined the gathering.. or at least not seeing him in such a short interval. Anyway when talking about my problems, all offered advice, and so did he. That was encouraging :)The gathering ended at about 1130pm. We did not take any photos.
I am slightly de-motivated at work. De-motivated in the sense of why am I still in this firm working half-dead when nobody is going to care and appreciate what you have done. It seems like I deserved it huh. The worst thing is that I do not have a supervisor to guide me. I need a supervisor urgently. But who cares. I want only one reporting director. But who cares. I’m okay to guide others on things that I have never experienced before. It doesn’t matter but it totally mentally stressed me out. And who cares. Some more why am I had to be distracted so frequently when I’m concentrating on my jobs. No one loves to do over-time just to listen to complaints. Now I am thinking. Why don’t I just get a better work-life-balanced job, if there are really ones, and quit this. I have the abilities, why not. I guess all are because I am so RELUCTANT on parting with my superb colleagues. I love my colleagues here :) BUT not all.
I fell down in the public on Wednesday evening. That happened after work. Pedestrians were looking at me. I felt so shy!! My knee was bleeding. It was so pain. I felt like crying because it’s so lonely. Weird feeling I have had. LOL. I did not cry at the end, anyway. My heart was filled because after I got into the office, everyone seemed so interesting on my wound. All offered to help. Happy!
And that I’ve just read a message from my cousin’s msn, it says: 慢慢走, 不要因為走太快而跌倒. This was very true, either in life or in my case. Sometimes we just need to move on slowly and step back at some point of time to enjoy the moment. If we were to get everything done in a short time, we might get hurt and miss out something that is so meaningful in life.
So, take a step back and enjoy the very little precious moment then move forward. because life is so short!
Suddenly I feel like don’t know why I want to talk about the Auditor again.
He is really a good friend that he will make those people who have an over-sensitive nerve like me to think of his intention of being so often in dating me out for lunch or dinner, shopping or getting presents for his friends and his parents, from month to month. Just before New Year, we went to get my nephew new clothes. That moment was deeply impressed :) Sometimes we talk about own problems. We talked about work or family matters. We listened and tried to comfort each other. Sometimes we play jokes on each other too. That was really a fun part because from there I got to know he will not take any action for the moment. It is so funny and I feel so stupid.
And recently, during and after the Lunar New Year, I was sort of being a little bit uncontrollable thinking of him when I felt real moody. As at now, I am so stressed by work. The person I feel like want to talk to is the Auditor. Maybe it is solely because he is not one of my boss or colleagues.
I ever promised to myself that I will not think of him or talk about him again. But I failed to do so. It is really hard to forget a person than to remember a person. That is why I failed. I hate him sometimes because he really makes me so reluctant in getting new guy friends.
To get rid of all these, I gave myself a long deep thought.
I made promise to myself again. I will not try hard to forget everything about him and I will keep him in my mind. That was a sweet memory anyway :) because we have known each other for 6 years, such a long time. I am thankful to have him in my life. He filled one part of my life.
My relationship status now is not complicated anymore. I-AM-SINGLE-AND-AVAILABLE. Ha-ha!!
I will start from now, look for other better opportunities!! I believe there is SOMEONE out there who will treasure me :) So, Kuan Yin, Tua Pek Gong, Allah, God, and whatever God in the heaven, please, please grant the SOMEBODY the POWER when I need a shoulder and a warm big hug.
我以為 放假可以充電
我以為 一切都會過去
我以為 自己撐得下去
我以為的以為 原來都只是一個以為
我只是覺得 自己可以過得更好
我只是覺得 自己還有其他選擇
我只是覺得 自己應該勇敢一點
我的感覺 好像不那麼的真實
我假裝自己不介意 其實我最在意
我假裝自己很堅強 其實我在逞強
我假裝自己很勇敢 其實我很懦弱
我的掩飾 在別人眼里原來那麼理所當然
I am so emo now... just leave me alone..
